ABOUT DEEPENING
Series: Recovering Desire
Desire is mostly about deepening desire, not as much about getting what we desire… I remember saying this to a client thinking, “What the hell does that mean??” That was his response too. Yuck! You mean desire intentionally gets our hopes up but doesn’t necessarily come through for us? This is the point most people check out. Nope. Why would I intentionally put myself in the way of painful disappointment?
A few weeks later this same client wanted to tell me a story. While I am not much a fisherman, this guy is. We will call him Steve. Steve loves fishing. Especially through lockdown, as we have all had less options of things to do, he has found fishing an outdoor hobby that is a way to decompress from hours of at-home work. He has enjoyed learning about different kinds of fish, where they like to hide and in what weather they are most likely to be near the surface and what fish are attracted to what lures. But, his dream (read deep desire) is to fly fish for salmon in a mountain stream. He loves the movie A River Runs Through It and has a vision of holding up a huge salmon in victory after a great fisherman vs fish battle. Sounds pretty good!
Well, he went searching for his dream. Good for him! Steve and his family had found a remote place to spend a quiet few days and he knew he would be spending some time in his waders and armed with his fly fishing rod seeking out the salmon. It was the right time of year, they were running and he was ready… at least he thought so.
As desire often does it seemed to take him on a wild goose chase. He thought he had the perfect spot only to find someone else fishing there. He was frustrated, but tried to stay engaged and positive. Changing his plan he went towards another spot downstream but ended up mostly just tromping through muddy marsh and thick brush. Again frustrated, Steve continued much further downstream than he anticipated but finally alone and in the water, he is ready. The water is higher than he though so he struggles to stay grounded as he starts seeing a flash of silver through the ripples. Another and another until he realizes he is surrounded by a host of skittering, zigging and zagging salmon. With a burst of excitement he quickly sets up his rod and starts casting. He sees the salmon, all but willing them to be tempted by his fly… but none bite. They don’t even seem interested. He was literally getting bumped in the legs by them, but could not catch them. He walked away empty-handed. And he was angry.
Photo by Jon Sailer on Unsplash
As we processed through this story and deeper layers of desire something started to surface. An assumption that if God is good that he will give me what I desire. If I desire something and pursue it, then I should get it! This entitlement is a dangerous one and has brought many of us to feel betrayed and let down. We can easily make an agreement to “never hope or desire again”. It seems safer that way.
But I asked him to consider a different view. “What was good about this time with the salmon?” After an (I imagine annoyed) pause, Steve responded by describing the beauty of the surrounding area, the beauty of the salmon, being swept up into an incredible moment and even how he was proud of himself that he didn’t give up after the first spot didn’t work.
“So, what are you mad at?” I asked. Somewhat sheepishly he said, “Because I didn’t catch a fish and I didn’t get what I wanted. But I guess it was still pretty amazing.” I wanted him to get it so pushed harder, “Don’t miss the beauty of the moment just because you don’t get what you expected. Receive the gift!” He agreed and understood. And finally I asked, “Did this experience make you want to go fly fishing for salmon again?” “Heck yeah!” he exclaimed. In fact, he described how a competitive spirit was already rising up in him and he was figuring out what flies would have been better and working on many other strategies. “Then desire worked”, I said. “Desire has not only given you something beautiful but it has deepened your desire and urged you to continued the pursuit.”
Train your desire by not allowing the fear of disappointment to diminish the deepening and growing in the midst of pursuit
-Matt
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