It was a windy summer day and I was finally going to learn how to sail.  I was at a friend’s lake house and he happened to have a small Sunfish sailboat, just the right size for a newbie like me.  He had been sailing for years and was willing to take me out with him to show me the ropes.  He taught me how to sit, steer with the rudder, read the wind and the correct way to turn the boat.  I was just getting the hang of it when he said, “Okay, now we are going to flip the boat.”  My eyebrows shot up.  Umm… really?  On purpose?  He proceeded to explain, “Flipping the boat is the scariest thing you can do.  Once you know how to flip it back over you have nothing else to worry about.”

Series: The Love Mantras

I grew up in a legalistic Christianity in which the highest value was being right.  To know the right things, say the right things, do the right things and believe the right things were what was most important.  This is what punishment and praise were based on in my childhood.

I quickly became a rule follower.  I wanted praise and got it when I adhered to the rules.  To want to do the right thing and follow rules is not a bad thing in an of itself, but when it is not balanced it becomes ugly.  What it created in me was a judgement, prideful perfectionist, who always needed to be right.  What I have found is that rightness needs to be balanced by love.

Series: The Love Mantras

Years ago I was headed to a family gathering with my wife.  Maybe you are like me and have occasional relational struggles with family.  Those that are closest to us can hurt us the most!  As I headed into this family time I was aware of a specific individual that drives me a little crazy and I certainly had not loved this person well in the past.  I had recently been given Love Mantra #1: Love Others Well.  Even though I wasn’t super enthusiastic about it, I had a plan.  My mission for that weekend was to love this person well.  When she needed something I would jump to serve her.  When she said something that annoys me I would try to let it go.  When she did something that annoyed me I would offer grace.  All in all, I would go out of my way to be kind, helpful, thoughtful, curious and offer the best benefit-of-the-doubts I could.  Yikes, this is a tall order.

Series: Learning to Love Well

“I can’t believe I am such an idiot!”  “I always do that!”  “See… I knew I would screw it up.”  There are all kinds of self-diminishing words that we speak over ourselves.  Subconsciously we often repeat things that we have heard or felt over the years.  They slip out when we are triggered by failures and embarrassments; when things don’t go the way we wanted them to.  It may not be obvious all the time, but we all do it.

Series: Learning to Love Well

What is your internal response when someone gives you a compliment?  We all have pat answers to make sure we don’t get caught in awkward situations with nothing to say, but what is really going on inside?  Isn’t there a pull to diminish the compliment and squelch the vulnerability that comes with it?