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We experience guilt when we feel responsible for expectations that are not met. We may have said or done something intentionally or unintentionally that harmed someone else. Guilt is asking us to right the wrong.
Guilt is not so much an emotion as a state of being. You are either guilty or not guilty of something. Our response to that guilt can be a range of emotion such as fear, anger, sadness, regret, confusion, defensiveness, embarrassment, remorse and more.
Resentment is anger gone underground and stretched out over time. When resentment seeps into the soil of our hearts it cultivates a victim mindset and a sour and ceaseless pursuit of personal and often selfish justice. Resentment is what happens when we won’t let go of an offense but we also are unwilling to confront it head on.
“This is so boring.” My seven-year-old often says with his slight Boston accented “r”s common to young children. I can’t say that I disagree. In fact, many times I find tasks, circumstances or (embarrassingly) things people are telling me boring… Maybe you can relate.
If there is anything more damaging than the initial triggering event that sends us into an intense emotional reaction, it is the belief that comes fast on its heals, whispering to us,”You are not capable, not prepared and not enough to handle this.” Most of us can get through the initial waves of fear anger or sadness that come in a crisis. The displacement is uncomfortable and disorienting, but eventually we find our footing again. The problem comes when we buy into the lie that we are unable to handle the situation we are in. Hopelessness, powerlessness and despair start setting in. When those take hold, it is a deep dark hole to climb out of.
I cried today. It felt good to release. It was only for twenty seconds or so. I didn’t know how sad I was until that moment. These tears sprung forth un-summoned, but I let them come, I did not stop the flow. I felt the burning, surging emotion come from deep within my chest and out through the hot tears.